what to say

I rarely use this account to the point I forgot it existed. But that’s going to change.

When I first created an account in Blogger, my aim was to air out my grievances against anything. I would still do that but not as much as I used to. I was 24 when I signed up here. Seven years later, I learned that not all things needed to be shared on the net.

I think I’ve seen myself as a private person online but offline well I don’t talk much.

Things changed and one of them was my actual retirement from the call center industry. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes which hindered me from working as an instructor and at the same had put an end on my nightly shifts.

I am also taking up my master’s degree on Environmental Conservation Biology at SLU since last year. Despite my air of indifference, I do care about the environment but I’m also realistic enough that changing one’s perception of what sustainable is would not happen overnight. Studying and working at the same time was tiring, which explained why I end up unemployed now.

Yet I’m thankful for it because I was able to move out of my comfort zone at work and learn new things.

In a way I’ve also become conscious of my environment and is dismayed at the lack of caring from my countrymen not to mention the discipline. It’s like Filipinos have selective dyslexia when it comes to reading signs not limited to not throwing garbage, no jaywalking, no U-turn, no peeing on walls, post no bill….you get the idea.

On the bright side we’re slowly becoming aware how dangerous the effects of climate change are. We have yet to learn lessons from 2009, hopefully this 2011 would wake us up. If not, well we DO have a population crisis and as Thomas Malthus said let nature take its course in cutting down the population.

I’ve seen tree planting, collection of plastic bottles and other environment related stuff. I just wonder how long this would be. Filipinos are known to do one thing with vigor then lose interest afterwards aka ningas kugon. While tree planting is good, would that be it? Who would monitor the seedling to make sure they grow? And how many years before they grow into big trees? Most of us may either be dead or old by the time it reaches that size.

We have the intention, we lack the implementation. After all it’s a tough choice: economic development or environmental conservation?

And if all goes down the drain, I hope I’ll be dead by the time that actually happens.

the million dollar question...

Do you love your girlfriend?

Do you love her despite the fact she was the one who made the first move?

Do you love her despite the fact that you two hardly meet except in some instances?

Do you love her despite the fact that you're still sore from your previous relationship?

Do you love her despite the fact that most of the time you're with me?

Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. At this point I'm past caring now.

an angry letter to God

Dear God,

I'm so pissed off right now. Why? From the moment I began working at home I felt that my life stopped and the rest of the human race continued on with their lives. I was stuck in a limbo. To make things worse, I'm not earning as much as I used to.

This leads me to think that maybe I should go back working in the BPO industry again. I mean I still sleep until 3am. If I'm going to deprive myself of sleep I might as well be productive.

I'm just mad because I felt that I'm useless. Makes me think why did you ever create me in the first place? So that I could suffer? Or is this my fault? Have I been too impatient?

I mean all I ask is to have a job that pays well and at the same time I enjoy it. Is that too much to ask?

Why can't I just be like anyone else? With a job, a family maybe a car or two. I mean look at my brother, he has 3 kids, a wife and two vehicles, a high earning job and a smart brain.

Look at my older sister, she also has 3 kids, a husband, a stable job at a hospital and works in the US of A. So yeah she has a good life.

And there's another older sister who left home but I'm sure she's happier than I am.

Me? I'm just a stupid, wasted, fat and useless person who has not done anything right for the past twenty nine years of my life. I'm going to be thirty a month from now and so far I haven't gone anywhere at all.

Where's my own path?

You know I really want to chuck this perfect timing business in the trash and just stop caring. Maybe I should be an atheist so at least I won't have to expect something and then be let down or wait in agony. I could at least find success in my own efforts.

But the thing is, I can't. Not because of the looming threat of eternal damnation but it's not in me. Maybe being agnostic, sure.

I'm just wondering when I would know my purpose here. Because I feel it isn't to bum around and play Facebook applications to kill time.

What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?

unexpected

Wow this is something I was surprised to see. I thought this account is dead, but I managed to log in!

I went over my previous entries and saw what a miserable dipstick I was. Now? I'm an angry dipstick. Anyway, life has a way of interfering in what you want to do and makes you forget what is important.

What had happened to me for the past years since I logged in here? Nothing much, changed jobs, returned to the same company I crassly abandoned (which I will never do again but would need to look for the chance to quit for the second time), got operated on, which would leave me having a small chance of having children in the future, am currently sick with a disorder that screws up the body processes, and would undergo therapy a week from now to reduce the size of the master organ (the thyroid in case you were wondering).

What have I learned? That you learn things the hard way, that fear is stopping you from making a decision and sticking with it, that anger is still there although now much controlled, that I have become sadistic and is more than capable of driving my superiors crazy (at least with my current boss), that I am still naive believing that there would be changes for the better at work (which ended up being stuck in a vicious cycle), that life sucks but it has its beauty, that we need to set a goal for ourselves to grow and we only live once make the most out of it.

As for love well still waiting and looking. The last guy I fell for is sicker than I am and prefers girls 10 years younger than him and the latest was a married guy who is one helluva know-it-all. No wonder there are times I snap his head off. But he's a good man, yet married. That alone is more than enough for me to back off, it was just a shallow feeling anyway and that is a relief.

2008 is a year of realizations for me: I'm a survivor.

2 years later....

It has been two years since I started to work in a call center. I have experienced all the pains and joy (well more on the pains) working and met some interesting people.

Right now, my heart has been snared by the least possible people who can do so. The problem is he does not love me back...typical story. I'm at a crossroads if I should continue or just leave and start over.

I need a damn closure before the year ends.

Get to know the Philippines

The Philippines is...

50. Where the most happening places are not where the party is. it's where the gang wars happen, where women strip and where the people overthrow a president.

49. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

48. Where everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition

47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

46. Where everything can be forged.

45. Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

44. Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town only has one public school.

42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.

41. Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog and where it is fast
becoming unfashionable to speak English/Spanish.

40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses, where doctors
study to become nurses for employment abroad.

38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

37. Where fly overs bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

36. Where the tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go to.

35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.

34. Where all 13-year-olds are alcoholic. (i resent that!)

33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

32. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

31. Where people can pay to defy the law.

30. Where everything and everyone is spoofed.

29. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (from divisoria)!

28. Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.

27. Where being called a bum is never offensive.

26. Where floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

24. Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

23. Where wearing your national colors makes you baduy.

22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.

21. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)

20. Where insurance does not work.

19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is
for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

18. Where the church governs the people (owwss!!!) and where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)

17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich
people go.

16. Where fast food is a diet meal.

15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

14. Where all the trees in the city are below six feet.

13. Where being held up is normal. It happens to everyone.

12. Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball players.

11. Where rodents are normal house pets.

10. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.

9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

8. Where Nora Aunor is an acclaimed actress and Boy Abunda is the best talk show host, where the population knows more their showbiz stars better than their national heroes and past presidents, knows more of showbiz gossips than their national history and current events.

7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.

4. Where finding a deer on the road will be a phenomenon.

3. Where people can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not for a thousand.

2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga 'to!)

1. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) ---- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.

0. Where everyone wants to leave the country!

**Both amusing and disturbing. Is this what we are as Filipinos? This is just an email forwarded from a colleague. I just wanted to post it in my blog.

is this English?

This is another forward email by my co-worker and this just reminds me on why our country is waay behind when it comes to the Englush language. Sure, it's not our first language but at least we couuld try to be decent at it.

At the same time, this also reminded me about the flame wars that had been happening in this site for quite sometime.

The letter is hilarious but disturbing as well. May this be a lesson to all of us.


GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH?

TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!! haha!

The following is a letter found at a certain bar inManila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.

Pls read with feelings...!

********************
October 1996
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why?What reason you can think about but you're very fatbody. I thought before that Dennis only use me to histoy but sooner and later I'm realize that he reallycan't not beared or stomached to be with you anymorebecause at first, Dennis say he could not stand you'rehabit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to met iether in schoolor in his family and then asking you to exerciseyou're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about.What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of JoseMarie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do nothave the right to called me whatsoever or elsedifferent name one time or the other for the realpurposed to insults my personality because I'm nevercall you names iether in the front of Dennis or in thebacks of Dennis, but if you start already to callingme different name, I don't have any other choicebut to call you other different name to. Like you area PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to mebecause I am the more sexier than you when you look tous in the mirror.I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when sheis a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.